I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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