I wish I could punch you in the face.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
