So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
