I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
