Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
