I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
