so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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