I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
