I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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