Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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