dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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