I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
