i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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