whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
