Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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