Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
