I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
