I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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