I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
