I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
