i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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