Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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