bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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