So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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