my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
