They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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