I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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