ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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