i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
