went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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