i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
