I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
