i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
