New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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