I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
