omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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