Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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