Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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