we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
