my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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