bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
