Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
