I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
