i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
