I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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