why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
