my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
