well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
