You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
