I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
