I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
