wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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