You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
