why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
