i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
