Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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