Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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