haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
