she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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