i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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