I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
