So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
