ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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