Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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