9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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