If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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