he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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