he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
