It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
