They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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