I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize