thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
