problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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